Gratitude

Hello there! This may be a short blog post, but that’s okay! I had a strong feeling to write this today and share my gratitude with you all.

I recently started a 21 day immersion program and part of the curriculum is developing a morning routine. Now as a single “mompreneur” it felt supper overwhelming to even think about adding more to my day. Know what I mean? But when I really sat down to think about what that meant for me, it meant giving myself a few minutes before getting out of bed and confronting my day. Just a FEW minutes. So set my alarm 5 minutes earlier. At the time it felt awful – I need every ounce of sleep I can get! But after putting it into practice for a few days, I can honestly say it hasn’t been that big of a deal.

So I am going to share with you what my morning 5-minute routine looks like:

  1. Ask for what I am looking to achieve that day
  2. Declare what I am going to give back in return
  3. Give gratitude for what has come to me AND what IS to come to me
  4. Speak it out loud and proud
  5. And how those acknowledgements make me feel

THAT’S IT! Oh, and I make my bed. :). Do it. Trust me, it makes a difference.

I have noticed that I have so much more energy and my outlook is SO positive each and every day because of my morning routine. I also take notice of both the tiny and big achievements in my day. Sometimes it is as simple as patting myself on the back for making what I think is a killer lunch for my kids or making it to my workout even though I wanted to crawl back into bed. Other days it’s connecting with a new friend or working with a new client. I highly encourage you to celebrate all of those moments – and sometimes it is simply saying “go me” or “hooray” or even doing your happy dance!

Those celebrations make you so much more open to the practice of gratitude! And allow your body to acknowledge the moment which enables it to become more natural vs forced. Try it and let me know how it goes!

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.”

FINDING vs. CREATING YOURSELF

Happy Monday everyone! I recently posted on my IG @youtwopointo a quote by George Bernard Shaw that resonates deeply with me – “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” What comes up for you when you read these words?

What comes up for me is this – Finding oneself implies you are lost on the path and there is only one solution to who you are vs creating oneself means there are infinite possibilities and opportunities to experience and become. Life is a journey with no set destination and each road traveled has a purpose. We also learn new things about ourselves along the way, so I believe we are constantly finding who we are at any given time. It isn’t a finite destination that we “land on” like on a board game. We are always evolving. Or at least I want to!

Over my life so many experiences have shaped the woman I am today – but I know she continues to evolve, learn and grow. I crave that for myself! I am a constant creation; an even better version of who I was even just one month ago! Giving oneself permission to desire creating their best self is the greatest gift we can give ourselves. We have the right and power within ourselves to pivot, change our mind, apply a new lesson to who we choose to be – unapologetically.

For those of us living through the day to day trauma of divorce we go through multiple phases that require constant adaptation. There are days where we are angry, sad, in denial, feeling pain; and others where we are excited, hopeful and happy. Some days we feel lighter and others feel like they drag on forever. Neither side is better or worse – it just IS! The roller coaster of emotions around divorce contribute to the journey of self discovery. The journey is not just a passive or mental one. It is one that requires you to explore new hobbies, embrace new passions, identify your key values, and revisit your life purpose. When you open yourself to the abundance of possibilities, anything is possible. Every path is available. And you can always choose a new one – try them all out! See what feels best. One path today may not work, but perhaps in 3 months it will. What are you waiting for? Give yourself permission to be you at every moment of every day!

Being curious is at the center of finding oneself. Curious about who you are, what you want, what you don’t want, what you will or won’t tolerate – all of these things contribute to who you are. And guess what you guys . . . curiosity did NOT kill the cat! It does require courage and a change in perspective – think you can manage to do that?

I dare you to get curious about something you’ve been avoiding and see what you discover!

You may find someone in the mirror you did not expect or thought might be in there. Guess what – you may like her more and I bet she has been waiting for you to find her!

Mr. Shaw, I challenge your quote and raise it with, “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about constant self discovery.

ANNOUNCEMENT: New FB Live Video Series!

I am so excited to share with you all that I am launching my FIRST Facebook Live video series today – UnWed Wednesdays with Wendy! Every Wednesday at 9am PST / 12pm EST I will be coming to you LIVE via Facebook from my home office to share my thoughts around what divorced women are thinking . . . but are too afraid to talk about. You will laugh, cry, smile, nod your head in agreement or possibly in disagreement . . . but you will get Wendy 2.0 with all her sass and class!

On my launch video I will be sharing what I love about being divorced as well as what I dislike greatly about being divorced. Remember this is from the lens of a woman already divorced so all you married ladies out there – be prepared to be jealous of my “love” list! Don’t worry – you will see why I am jealous of your married life based on my list of “dislikes”.

Disclaimer: You do NOT have to be divorced to enjoy my videos – you may learn something or perhaps appreciate your spouse more!

I would love to hear what topics you want me to talk about that are interesting to you. What are you unable to talk about but wish someone would? What conversation do you avoid with your friends that I can crack the lid open on? What scares and/or excites you about dating again? No topic is off limits!

Please either comment below or please email me at wendy@wendysterling.net to let me know – and I will be sure to give you a shout out in an upcoming video!

FOLLOW ME ON MY FACEBOOK BIZ PAGE & TUNE IN!

Shallow or Deep?

Lady Gaga’s and Bradley Cooper’s performance of Shallow at The Academy Awards gave me goosebumps, left me breathless and made me envy their connection and chemistry whenever they perform that song together. Chills, right? The internet is buzzing with rumors that they must be in love, after all Lady Gaga called off her engagement last week. The media loves a good love triangle! News flash – Bradley Cooper has a serious model girlfriend who was also in the audience at the Oscars. Come on America . . . gossip is just that. Rumors. And well timed for the show tonight (aka drive ratings).

Anyway back to Lady Gaga . . . Shallow is a love song, but one that is a conversation between two people who truly love and understand one another. A connection so deep in their souls they invite the audience to watch what is possible between two people when you are present and listen to one another – to the words being spoken and hearing what they mean to the other. And most importantly they acknowledge seeing who each other is – faults and all. We crave intimacy with our partners in the same way. This, to me, is what makes their chemistry so strong and their story believable. And enviable.

As an adult I have not only become a better listener, but also a better communicator. Seeing and hearing someone doesn’t mean that you have to have gone through what they did. Instead it means being with them wherever they are in that moment – and just listening. Silence in these moments is comforting – as well as a simple acknowledgement for where they are at. The world has us programmed to move quickly like a to-do list. We are all so quick to rush through life AND emotions – ours and others – because we have kids nagging us, dinner to make, an email to respond to, a text to send about pick up, etc. We run our lives like we scroll through social media . . . look for key words to grab our attention, maybe like the post, write a sentence and move on.

What might be possible if we just stopped, dropped and rolled?

Remember these words from grade school?

STOPPED: What might happen if you stopped thinking, doing, being for someone else? To me that is called being selfless.

DROPPED: What might happen if you dropped the phone, put down your pen/paper, and gave someone your undivided attention? To me this is called being present.

ROLLED: What might be possible if you rolled with or acknowledged the person in whatever emotion was overcoming them instead of trying to relate or push them through it quickly? To me this is called acknowledging.

What is more important than a loved one wanting to be heard or seen? Why is it so hard to have an open dialogue with one another – to connect? Eyes, ears, hearts – ALL OF IT! When two people truly listen to and see one another, intimacy occurs – a foreign word to many nowadays.

I believe this is why we are so drawn to what happens on stage between Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper. We crave what they have . . . and we don’t give ourselves enough of it. We crave being heard and seen – let them be an example that it is within our reach and power.

We need to be more present with our loved ones.

We need to acknowledge our loves ones for what they are feeling and where they are at. And we need to use our voices to ask our loved ones for the same in return.

You don’t have to agree or disagree with where they are – you just need to be present and listen.

What might be different in your life if you made this change TODAY?

GO BIG OR GO . . . ?

How many times do you think about what needs to get done and you start with what is easiest aka comfortable and come up with excuse after excuse to avoid the hardest aka most uncomfortable? And then those uncomfortable tasks never get done or you keep burying them on your list? Who else is raising their hand besides me? Don’t leave me hanging – come on you know this is YOU!

If we do not have a compelling enough reason to choose what is uncomfortable 9+ times out of 10 we choose what is comfortable. What we should be doing instead is choosing what is uncomfortable. Did I just hear you sigh and say why? Your comfort will not push you forward or create the life you want. Discomfort usually means growth and you are being stretched. And that is where we need to be more often than we instinctually are.

Why is that?

Well let’s look at it scientifically . . . but I promise it is really interesting so please stick with me! Researchers have found that our amygdala, a part of our brain, reacts negatively when we experience risk or uncertainty. Now don’t get me wrong – that is really important should we ever be in harm’s way! However when we think about life differently than it is today we get nervous, scared and uncertain because it is foreign. That is when the amygdala kicks in and prevents us from that risk aka shuts us down! In other words we are programmed to resist change! Explains why change is hard for many of us, right?! BUT, there is another part of our brain that fights back against the amygdala and that is called our prefrontal cortex (PFC). It is the part of our brain that responds to those magnificent views we see of the beach and when you imagine greatness ahead!

So you’re probably thinking . . . thank you for the science lesson, Wendy, but what does mean? Well what it means is that your brain can be programmed to change. Imagine it is like a new muscle to exercise and over time as you keep practicing it gets stronger and easier to complete the work. Therefore our brain has the opportunity to change based on how we choose to use it! We can literally train our brain to act on an uncomfortable vision and over time as you stay connected with it, you will be more open to being uncomfortable more often!

You have a choice – keep exercising your amygdala or start using your prefrontal cortex. In other words do you want to resist change stay stuck or do you want to repeatedly envision something BIGGER and more inspiring that? I say GO BIG . . . there isn’t an option to go home!

As Mary Oliver says “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”